Living with Fibromyalgia plus Alexithymia

“The soul is like a bowl of water, and our impressions are like the ray of light falling upon the water. When the water is troubled, it appears that the light itself is moved too, but it isn’t. So, when a person loses their composure it isn’t their skills and virtues that are troubled, but the spirit in which they exist, and when that spirit calms down so do those things.” —EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.3.20–22 Life, as we all know, isn't always a smooth sail. Sometimes, it feels more like a wild ride on a turbulent sea. We face unexpected setbacks, frustrating delays, and moments that test our patience and composure. In these moments, it's easy to feel like we're losing control, that our carefully laid plans are crumbling around us. But what if I told you that even in the midst of chaos, you have the power to find your inner calm? Today, let's explore a powerful Stoic analogy that can help us navigate those choppy waters: the soul as a bowl of water. The Bowl of Water: An ...

“Erase the false impressions from your mind by constantly saying to yourself, I have it in my soul to keep out any evil, desire or any kind of disturbance—instead, seeing the true nature of things, I will give them only their due. Always remember this power that nature gave you.”  —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 8.29 Living with fibromyalgia and alexithymia presents unique challenges. Fibromyalgia, with its constant, invisible pain, can easily trigger frustration and anger. Alexithymia, on the other hand, makes it difficult to identify and understand the emotions underlying these reactions. The Stoic principle of controlling one's reactions, however, offers a powerful framework for navigating these challenges. While I can't control the chronic pain that often feels like a constant, unwelcome companion, I can control how I react to it. Initially, the pain would often leave me feeling overwhelmed and resentful. I'd find myself dwelling on the unfairness of it all, allowing the...

"What’s left to be prized? This, I think—to limit our action or inaction to only what’s in keeping with the needs of our own preparation . . . it’s what the exertions of education and teaching are all about—here is the thing to be prized! If you hold this firmly, you’ll stop trying to get yourself all the other things. . . . If you don’t, you won’t be free, self-sufficient, or liberated from passion, but necessarily full of envy, jealousy, and suspicion for any who have the power to take them, and you’ll plot against those who do have what you prize. . . . But by having some self-respect for your own mind and prizing it, you will please yourself and be in better harmony with your fellow human beings, and more in tune with the gods—praising everything they have set in order and allotted you." —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 6.16.2b–4a Today, like any other day, I find myself grappling with the stress of making ends meet and providing for my family. Living with fibromyalgia and ...

“From Rusticus . . . I learned to read carefully and not be satisfied with a rough understanding of the whole, and not to agree too quickly with those who have a lot to say about something.”  —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 1.7.3 In today's fast-paced world, we're inundated with information. News feeds scroll endlessly, opinions fly fast, and it's easy to get swept away by the torrent of words. We often accept information at face value, forming opinions based on headlines and snippets, rather than engaging in a deeper, more critical analysis. This intellectual laziness, as Marcus Aurelius reminds us, hinders our ability to achieve true understanding. This Stoic principle encourages us to question our assumptions, to delve deeper than surface-level information, and to resist the urge to blindly accept the opinions of others. In a world overflowing with information, true understanding requires effort, discipline, and a genuine desire to learn. It demands that we slow down, que...

“Let’s pass over to the really rich—how often the occasions they look just like the poor! When they travel abroad they must restrict their baggage, and when haste is necessary, they dismiss their entourage. And those who are in the army, how few of their possessions they get to keep . . .” —SENECA, ON CONSOLATION TO HELVIA, 12. 1.b–2  As I sat contemplating today's Stoic lesson, a profound question arose: What wouldn't I trade for more time with my loved ones? Money? Material possessions? The answer was clear: nothing. More time translates to more memories, and those are infinitely more valuable than any material object. My home, unfortunately, tells a different story. It's filled with 'knickknacks' – a collection of odds and ends that accumulate over time. My wife gently reminds me of the need to declutter, but I often find myself clinging to these items. 'What's the point of losing this?' I ask myself. 'Does it truly bring me happiness, or just a ...

“Ask yourself the following first thing in the morning: What am I lacking in attaining freedom from passion? What for tranquility? What am I? A mere body, estate-holder, or reputation? None of these things. What, then? A rational being. What then is demanded of me? Meditate on your actions. How did I steer away from serenity? What did I do that was unfriendly, unsocial, or uncaring? What did I fail to do in all these things?”  —EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 4.6.34–35 My mother's recent health decline has been a significant source of stress. Witnessing her confusion, memory lapses, and the recent fall that left her with a black eye and potentially bruised ribs has stirred a range of emotions within me – fear, frustration, and a deep sense of helplessness. Epictetus encourages us to examine our passions. Am I allowing fear of the unknown or the grief of potential loss to consume me? How can I cultivate tranquility in the face of these challenges? Can I find peace in accepting the present mo...

“Pass through this brief patch of time in harmony with nature, and come to your final resting place gracefully, just as a ripened olive might drop, praising the earth that nourished it and grateful to the tree that gave it growth.”  —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 4.48.2 Life, in all its messy beauty, throws curveballs. Chronic illness, like my fibromyalgia, can feel like an endless series of them. Pain is a constant companion, a reminder of the fragility of the human body. Yet, despite the daily struggles, I choose to rise. My Pagan beliefs deeply resonate with the Stoic philosophy of Marcus Aurelius. The quote, "Pass through this brief patch of time in harmony with nature, and come to your final resting place gracefully, just as a ripened olive might drop..."  reminds me that life, like the seasons, has its cycles. Pain, suffering, and even death are all part of the natural order. Just as the olive, having fulfilled its purpose, gracefully releases from the tree, we too must...

“I am your teacher and you are learning in my school. My aim is to bring you to completion, unhindered, free from compulsive behavior, unrestrained, without shame, free, flourishing, and happy, looking to God in things great and small—your aim is to learn and diligently practice all these things. Why then don’t you complete the work, if you have the right aim and I have both the right aim and right preparation? What is missing? . . . The work is quite feasible, and is the only thing in our power. . . . Let go of the past. We must only begin. Believe me and you will see.”  —EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.19.29–34 Waking up this morning was like all others. First is the spark of light in my eyes. As my eyes slowly adjust from sleep and take in the morning surroundings, I begin a subtle assessment of my pain levels and how the day might unfold. Stress was already high due to the appointments and errands scheduled for the day.  Our oldest dog, Jax, is about 10 years old – not exactly yo...

“So in the majority of other things, we address circumstances not in accordance with the right assumptions, but mostly by following wretched habit. Since all that I’ve said is the case, the person in training must seek to rise above, so as to stop seeking out pleasure and steering away from pain; to stop clinging to living and abhorring death; and in the case of property and money, to stop valuing receiving over giving.”  —MUSONIUS RUFUS, LECTURES, 6.25.5–11 As I woke up this morning, realizing that I was in more agony than normal, I found myself on YouTube once again, seeking distraction. My pain has been significantly worse in the last few days, and today has been the most difficult so far. I've noticed that on most mornings when the pain prevents me from sleeping further, I turn to YouTube to escape it. Sometimes, I stumble upon something truly interesting, providing enough inspiration to push through the pain and get out of bed. However, more often than not, I find myself aimle...

“Tranquility can’t be grasped except by those who have reached an unwavering and firm power of judgment—the rest constantly fall and rise in their decisions, wavering in a state of alternately rejecting and accepting things. What is the cause of this back and forth? It’s because nothing is clear and they rely on the most uncertain guide—common opinion.” —SENECA, MORAL LETTERS, 95.57b–58a Finding inner peace isn't easy. It requires a strong and consistent inner compass – the ability to make clear, unwavering decisions. Most people, however, are constantly tossed around like boats in a storm. They change their minds all the time, swayed by the opinions of others instead of relying on their own solid judgment. This constant shifting leads to inner turmoil and prevents them from finding true tranquility. Fibromyalgia presents a unique set of challenges. Every day brings a new set of symptoms. One morning I might wake up feeling extra cold, while the next day I could be overheating. The...

Fibromyalgia  - is a chronic condition that causes pain and tenderness throughout the body. It can also cause fatigue, sleep issues, and cognitive problems. Alexithymia  - is a personality trait that makes it difficult to identify, understand, and express emotions. It's also known as "emotional blindness" So let's start with a little history. It's been about 5 years since this all truly began. I've likely had Alexithymia for a long time, but only recently recognized it. When I met my now-wife, we frequently discussed how my emotional responses differed from what most would consider "normal." It took time to find the right word for what I was (or wasn't) feeling. After research and therapy sessions, we discovered Alexithymia. Finally having a name for it brought more questions than answers. But it goes far beyond simply not recognizing or describing them. It fundamentally alters one's experience of life. Yes, emotions are still present. Yes, t...