NEVER DO ANYTHING OUT OF HABIT

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“So in the majority of other things, we address circumstances not in accordance with the right assumptions, but mostly by following wretched habit. Since all that I’ve said is the case, the person in training must seek to rise above, so as to stop seeking out pleasure and steering away from pain; to stop clinging to living and abhorring death; and in the case of property and money, to stop valuing receiving over giving.” 
—MUSONIUS RUFUS, LECTURES, 6.25.5–11

As I woke up this morning, realizing that I was in more agony than normal, I found myself on YouTube once again, seeking distraction. My pain has been significantly worse in the last few days, and today has been the most difficult so far. I've noticed that on most mornings when the pain prevents me from sleeping further, I turn to YouTube to escape it. Sometimes, I stumble upon something truly interesting, providing enough inspiration to push through the pain and get out of bed. However, more often than not, I find myself aimlessly flipping through video after video.

Many of these videos, unfortunately, end up raising my anxiety and making me want to withdraw from society entirely. I suspect this is intentional – a deliberate ploy by algorithms to exploit our emotional responses for clicks. After all, we are creatures of emotion. Perhaps this is why I can often see through most clickbait. 

I took my medications, along with some extra pain relievers, in an attempt to alleviate the increased discomfort I was experiencing in my feet, legs, back, and arms. Then, my routine alarm sounded, reminding me of the commitment I had made to myself. Instead of falling back into my habit of endless scrolling, I decided to take action.

Having fibromyalgia means I have to work even harder if I want to achieve anything meaningful with the rest of my life. I need to find more effective ways to manage my pain. I cannot simply rely on pain medication and distracting myself with the accomplishments of others. This time, I want to make a difference, both in my own life and, hopefully, in the lives of others.

Therefore, I am taking it upon myself to write this online journal. I aim to learn more about myself and discover new ways to cope with or reduce my pain beyond the confines of medication. I plan to actively implement the research I have conducted, and will continue to conduct, on holistic remedies such as meditation, mindful eating, exercise, and mindfulness practices.

By documenting my journey here, I hope to inspire others to join me on this path towards improved mental and physical health. Let's learn together and grow as a community, embracing our strengths and acknowledging our limitations.

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