WHEN YOU LOSE CONTROL

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“The soul is like a bowl of water, and our impressions are like the ray of light falling upon the water. When the water is troubled, it appears that the light itself is moved too, but it isn’t. So, when a person loses their composure it isn’t their skills and virtues that are troubled, but the spirit in which they exist, and when that spirit calms down so do those things.”

—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.3.20–22


Life, as we all know, isn't always a smooth sail. Sometimes, it feels more like a wild ride on a turbulent sea. We face unexpected setbacks, frustrating delays, and moments that test our patience and composure. In these moments, it's easy to feel like we're losing control, that our carefully laid plans are crumbling around us. But what if I told you that even in the midst of chaos, you have the power to find your inner calm? Today, let's explore a powerful Stoic analogy that can help us navigate those choppy waters: the soul as a bowl of water.

The Bowl of Water: An Ancient Analogy for Modern Life

Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher, likened the soul to a bowl of water. When external impressions, like light rays, hit the water, they can disturb its surface. This disturbance makes it appear as if the light itself is moving. In the same way, when we experience emotional turmoil, it feels like our virtues and skills are being shaken. But, as Epictetus reminds us, it's not our core principles that are troubled, but rather the "spirit" in which they exist.

Think about it: have you ever felt your composure slipping? Maybe you received some unexpected bad news at work, or a personal relationship took a sudden turn. In that moment, it's easy to react impulsively, to let your emotions dictate your actions. But what if, instead, you could recognize the turbulence and take a moment to regain your composure?

Real-Life Examples: When the Water Gets Choppy

Let's look at a few relatable scenarios:

  • The Overwhelmed Professional: You're facing a tight deadline, and suddenly, a critical team member calls in sick. Panic sets in, and you start snapping at your colleagues.
  • The Stressed Parent: The morning routine is a disaster. The kids are arguing, breakfast is spilled, and you're already running late. You feel your patience wearing thin, and you raise your voice.
  • The Traffic Tantrum: Someone cuts you off in traffic, and your immediate reaction is anger. You want to chase them down and give them a piece of your mind.

In each of these situations, the "water" of our soul is disturbed. But remember, our virtues—our patience, our reason, our resilience—are still there. They're just obscured by the turbulence.

Finding Calm: How to Still the Waters

So, how do we calm the waters and regain our composure?

  1. Recognize the Turbulence: The first step is to acknowledge that you're feeling overwhelmed. Don't try to suppress your emotions; simply observe them.
  2. Pause and Breathe: Take a moment to step away from the situation. Practice deep breathing or any technique that helps you center yourself.
  3. Remember Your Principles: Reaffirm your core values and the Stoic principles you've learned. Remind yourself that these principles are still valid, even if you've temporarily lost sight of them.
  4. Focus on What You Can Control: Identify the aspects of the situation that are within your control and focus your energy on those.
  5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up for losing your composure. Focus on learning from the experience.

Life will inevitably throw us curveballs. There will be moments when the water gets choppy and we feel like we're losing control. But by remembering the analogy of the bowl of water, we can learn to recognize the turbulence, regain our composure, and navigate life's challenges with greater resilience and inner peace.

The next time you feel your "water" getting disturbed, take a moment to pause and reflect. How will you apply this Stoic lesson to regain your composure? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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