THE ONLY PRIZE

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"What’s left to be prized? This, I think—to limit our action or inaction to only what’s in keeping with the needs of our own preparation . . . it’s what the exertions of education and teaching are all about—here is the thing to be prized! If you hold this firmly, you’ll stop trying to get yourself all the other things. . . . If you don’t, you won’t be free, self-sufficient, or liberated from passion, but necessarily full of envy, jealousy, and suspicion for any who have the power to take them, and you’ll plot against those who do have what you prize. . . . But by having some self-respect for your own mind and prizing it, you will please yourself and be in better harmony with your fellow human beings, and more in tune with the gods—praising everything they have set in order and allotted you."
—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 6.16.2b–4a

Today, like any other day, I find myself grappling with the stress of making ends meet and providing for my family. Living with fibromyalgia and the constant, debilitating pain it brings presents significant challenges. The inability to maintain regular employment often leaves me feeling utterly worthless. I struggle to contribute financially to our household and am primarily responsible for managing the domestic responsibilities.

I am incredibly grateful for my wife's unwavering support and her tireless efforts to keep our family afloat. She goes above and beyond, shouldering a heavy burden that I can no longer carry. While I appreciate her sacrifices deeply, it only exacerbates my feelings of inadequacy. Witnessing her struggle and striving to maintain our livelihood while I am largely sidelined intensifies my sense of worthlessness. I yearn for the days when I could contribute meaningfully to our family's well-being.

The Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, reminds us that true value lies not in external achievements or possessions, but in cultivating inner strength and virtue. He emphasizes the importance of focusing on personal growth and aligning our actions with our inner principles. By seeking fulfillment within ourselves, we can find freedom from the anxieties and dependencies that arise from chasing external rewards.

This Stoic perspective resonates deeply with me. It encourages me to shift my focus from my perceived failures and limitations to cultivating inner peace and acceptance. It reminds me that my worth as a human being is not defined by my ability to contribute financially or fulfill traditional societal expectations.

While I may not be able to physically contribute to our household in the same way I once did, I can still contribute to our family's well-being emotionally and spiritually. I can offer my love, support, and companionship. I can cultivate patience, understanding, and gratitude for the blessings in my life.

This blog serves as a testament to my journey towards self-acceptance and inner peace. It is a platform for me to share my experiences, connect with others who understand the challenges of living with chronic illness, and perhaps offer a glimmer of hope to those who feel lost and alone.

By embracing the Stoic principles of self-reliance, inner peace, and acceptance, I hope to find a sense of purpose and meaning in my life, despite the limitations imposed by my condition.

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