THE POWER OF A MANTRA

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“Erase the false impressions from your mind by constantly saying to yourself, I have it in my soul to keep out any evil, desire or any kind of disturbance—instead, seeing the true nature of things, I will give them only their due. Always remember this power that nature gave you.” 
—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 8.29

Living with fibromyalgia and alexithymia presents unique challenges. Fibromyalgia, with its constant, invisible pain, can easily trigger frustration and anger. Alexithymia, on the other hand, makes it difficult to identify and understand the emotions underlying these reactions.

The Stoic principle of controlling one's reactions, however, offers a powerful framework for navigating these challenges. While I can't control the chronic pain that often feels like a constant, unwelcome companion, I can control how I react to it.

Initially, the pain would often leave me feeling overwhelmed and resentful. I'd find myself dwelling on the unfairness of it all, allowing the pain to dictate my mood and impact my relationships. However, I've gradually learned to approach these situations with a more mindful perspective.

When the pain flares up, I try to remind myself that while I can't eliminate it entirely, I can choose how I respond. I can practice deep breathing exercises to calm my mind and body. I can engage in gentle movement, such as yoga or stretching, to ease the tension. I can focus on the present moment, acknowledging the pain without allowing it to consume me.

Furthermore, I've found that journaling has been instrumental in helping me understand and manage my reactions. By writing about my experiences, I can identify patterns in my thoughts and emotions. I can observe how my pain affects my mood and how my reactions, in turn, influence my overall well-being.

Living with alexithymia adds another layer of complexity. Not fully understanding my emotions can make it incredibly challenging to predict how I'll react in certain situations. This lack of self-awareness can feel crippling at times, leaving me questioning my motivations and the reasons behind my choices.

However, I've come to realize that even amidst this uncertainty, I still have the power to choose how I respond to my emotions. This realization has been a powerful motivator. It encourages me to cultivate mindfulness and engage in introspection. By observing my thoughts and behaviors, I can begin to identify patterns and understand the underlying emotions that drive them. Writing in this journal has been invaluable in this process, allowing me to articulate my thoughts and feelings more clearly and gain a deeper understanding of myself.

The Stoic emphasis on reason and self-control provides a valuable framework for navigating these challenges. While I may not always be successful, the ongoing effort to cultivate inner peace and respond to challenges with greater equanimity is a journey worth undertaking.

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